Letting Go

I think a big part of "letting go" of the difficulties and the stress that bogs us down is realizing that it's not going to all change by snapping our fingers. Like most things in life, it takes time. I am reminded of a teacher of the Toa Te Ching who said something to the effect that during meditation, we shouldn't try to force all thoughts out of our mind. When a thought finds its way in, acknowledge it, and gently let it go. If it keeps coming back, do the same thing; let it go. These things must be done slowly, over time, for us to master them.

I think this can be applied to just about anything that will help us change our lifestyle, whether it's quitting drinking, smoking or fast food, sticking to a healthy exercise routine or minimizing food portions, or in my case, switching over to a vegetarian (leaning toward vegan) lifestyle. I find, once again, that I am having trouble sticking to it, but I think I need to take a calm approach to steering myself in the right direction, rather than losing my grip and telling myself "you'd better do this now, or else" or even "I can't do this". I am not living in the moment when I say things like that, and I find as I get older that I say that pretty often!

The big problem right now is that we are also trying our best to save every penny because we may be taking our son on vacation. We had this planned out for over a year, and now we are going to have to wait until the morning we are supposed to leave (this Friday) to find out whether it would be irresponsible to do this because we are starting to fall behind on bills right now. Money has been pretty tight since I stopped working full-time. That said, the menu for this week consists of frozen food, loaded with preservatives that we had in the freezer for some time, but never ate until now, lol -- and there is a reason for that! We'll see if it was worth it.

Meanwhile, I realized that I completely forgot my doctor's appointment, which was supposed to be on the 15th! I have a few things that I need to talk to her about. I need to constantly, constantly remind myself that health comes first!! Anyway, I should mention that giving up coffee has been the most difficult part of all this, and once I start with the coffee, everything else goes right out the window. I wish there was a way I could drink coffee and not overindulge. I think that plays a huge role in why I am so tired all the time, and I find that I feel that way very shortly after I overdo it with the coffee! No good!

I am a work in progress...

Next Stop: Vegetarian

I know it seems like I don't come here as often as I probably should, and it's not because things aren't going well. Actually, I really can't complain about my overall progress too much...except for this past weekend, because, well, I'm Irish and I celebrated that fact for like 4 days lol...but the party's over now!!

I did, however, weigh myself at some point last week and was a bit disappointed to find that I hadn't lost a single pound, nor did I lose any inches. It stung because I had been working really hard at it, keeping my calorie count under 1200 per day and burning an average of 500 calories / day. I do believe it has a lot to do with the possibility that my body is resisting it after having lost and re-gained so much weight over the past 10 years or so. I don't know if there is any truth to that, as I've never heard anyone complain about this happening before, but it's the only thing I can think of (aside from the fact that I'm pushing 30) because I was doing it exactly the same as I did the last two times, and for some reason I immediately hit the plateau.

On that note, I must keep reminding myself that I am not in this to lose weight as much as I am to get healthy. And, if I'm in it to get healthy, it's inevitable that I have to face the fact that the Slim Fast diet is probably not the best way to do it (although, um...it's delicious! My husband still wants to do it anyway just because he loves the taste of the chocolate royale, lol...)

Last night, I found myself getting worked up over some political issue that involved corporations destroying the health of America, I think it had something to do with the mayor of New York losing the battle to ban large-sized soft drinks. I was on the fence with the issue because on one hand, I'm not sure if I agree with politicians telling us what we can and can't consume, unless you're looking at it from the perspective that healthcare costs come out of the taxpayers' (our own) pockets. That's a whole separate issue, but I was also thinking "damn...money wins again!" I mean, I would not have cried a river for the ever-so-greedy McDonald's, or what have you, if they had lost that one in court. So anyway, I started browsing the internet to learn more about the typical American's highly processed diet, and I found my way to Netflix, where I watched this:

And here is the link if you've never seen it and you're interested (you will need a Netflix account):
http://dvd.netflix.com/Movie/Forks-Over-Knives/70185045


I am a sucker for inspirational documentaries; I had the pleasure of seeing Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead for the first time a couple of years ago and, as I've mentioned, I actually did a reboot that lasted 2 weeks (I felt really funny toward the end of it, like I was constantly in a dream-like state, and I don't know if that's normal but I wasn't crazy about it). After watching Forks Over Knives, I recalled that I actually was a vegetarian when I was 13, and it lasted for a year. Even though that was the case, I don't believe I cut out all processed foods from my diet (I still ate those Boca burgers, etc. by Morning Star, which I don't know if I could stomach this time around lol). Last night, after watching the documentary, I decided to become a vegetarian again (I shouldn't say it like I know what I'm talking about because the last time I did this was 17 years ago, but there it is).

So, we went shopping today, and here is what's on the menu for this week:

Really, I didn't have much time to think about it and we needed groceries pretty badly, so I just kinda walked around and threw whatever I thought would be good in the cart, but before we go again the next time, I will have plant-based meals planned out. Since I am a newbie at this, I will need to find some meals that look appetizing and try them out. This (along with the diet itself) will take some getting used to, but I am looking forward to the challenge. :) I do wish I had a juicer again for those times when I want fresh juice, or even a functional blender for that matter (the one I have is crap! It's true what they say: you get what you pay for!)

As for exercise, I am sticking with my elliptical machine regularly, but I am so happy the warm weather is finally on its way (well, at some point; I say this because we just got bombared with more slushy snow...spring is coming, folks!) I am finally going to be able to use those bikes; I just need to pump up the tires and make a few adjustments. I am finally going to take advantage of that bike path down the street. Very exciting!

Lost 11 lbs!

Well, I am very happy to say that I am finally getting that motivation I need. I am going strong with my diet and regular exercise, and since my last check-in, I have lost 11 lbs and a couple of inches off my neck, waist and hips (I realize that those first 5 lbs. are probably from the initial diet shock on my body, which happens to me every time).

As a matter of fact, we all went out to Ruby Tuesday's last night (Friday is restaurant night) and we ordered chips and artichoke dip for an appetizer, and I am not really crazy about that place, but we had a coupon we decided to use and I ordered a cheeseburger. Well, I ate some of the chips, the two sides and I took two bites of the burger, and by that time I was so full I thought I would burst. Even my husband looked at me like really? LOL that's very unusual for me. It's true what they say about the elasticity of our stomachs, smaller portions over time make them shrink. I could never put myself through stomach stapling surgery, but this does the trick. And, to reiterate what Joe says in Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, who made it a law that we need to eat three square meals a day?

I am very happy about this so far, and being on this diet has given me the control I've needed; I really don't have overwhelming cravings, and I haven't had the urge to stop at a fast-food place at all because I know what I'm going to have for lunch already, and the portion size is always the same.

The only thing that concerns me is there are days when I am just incredibly overtired (I've mentioned before that exercising in the morning makes me exhausted by the middle of the day, even when I'm not doing this diet; now it is slightly better, but I do still feel it). I've never had this problem before. I'm wondering if it could be that I am getting older and my body is just not as strong as it used to be. I've looked online and read about other people who have had this problem, and it seems like it might boil down to not enough hydration (I drink tons of water every day, but may not be getting enough electrolites / potassium) or, and this is something I really need to figure out (as I no longer have a gym membership), I have done no weight training whatsoever so far. Supposedly, this leaves nowhere for glycogen (??) to go after working out, and thus, it makes you feel exhausted. I have a couple of small weights I will start using tonight, but I would like to figure out something a little better. In any case, I have made an apointment with the doctor for March 15, and I'll hopefully know soon (although there are still some health mysteries I have yet to understand thoroughly right now). For now, I'll just do what I'm doing, as it's not at the point of being debillitating.

First Day on the Slim Fast Diet

So yesterday, I was a bit agitated and it was kind of like a "that's it, now this is happening" day lol. Really though, I've embarked on weight loss plans before, and I've never had this much of a problem, so it has been unusually frustrating.

Today, I am really tired because I had been drinking insane amounts of coffee again over the past few weeks (oh yes, heart palpitations and all), and today I woke up and just said eh, no coffee today. I didn't even think about it until I was at the supermarket with my son and I was ready to start attacking people lol, and on the way home I was thinking gee, why am I so irritable today? So I had a green tea and...nah, still pretty out of it lol. I think I'll sleep pretty well tonight.

Well anyway, I saw the price on the Slim Fast powder and it was something like $7.99 and then I saw the CareOne brand Slim Supreme next to it for $4.99 (pretty much the same stuff; doesn't taste quite the same), so that's what I got. Usually I have coupons for Slim Fast that I find on Ebay or somewhere, but obviously there wasn't enough notice for that. I think I'm off to a good start though. I notice it does keep me full between meals, which is great!

I found this on Facebook; it's something I really need to keep in mind (eh...sorry for those who don't like the wording so much):

It's great and everything to approach the different aspects of weight loss such as mental preparation, diet, etc. but without self-discipline playing a part in all that, it's worthless. Well, except for meditation; I should be doing that regularly anyway, with all this stress, and I keep using the excuse that I never have any time, and using that excuse for everything is what puts me in this frustrating situation. If I can't make time to take care of myself, then I should welcome the impending heart attack that is going to kill me as a result, and then I won't get anything done because I'll be DEAD. Simple as that. Tough love (but oh, so necessary).

Well, now that I am getting back on my feet here, I will check in shortly with how things are going. :)

Effective Immediately: Slim Fast Diet

Things are out of control. It's time to admit it. The way I have set this up is not working for me, and I think it is because everything else that's going on right now is just chaotic. The stress from work is getting to me, the stress from school and maintaining the household is getting to me. Lately I have been looking in the mirror and thinking omg, I'm going to be this way forever. I've had my chance, and it's gone.

So as I sit awake when I have to be up for school early tomorrow morning but can't sleep because my heart is pounding after eating high-sodium junk food for dinner, I'm thinking I need to somehow regain control of this situation. Control starts with self-discipline and will power, which is exactly what I am lacking. So, the last time I was able to efficiently take control of my eating habits was the day I started the Slim Fast Diet.

Extreme? Maybe. I know a lot of people don't agree with it. I've heard it referred to as a "starvation diet". And yes, expensive. But I have no sense of portion control, and no sense of portion control turns into "who cares?" I can drive down the street between errands and come up with an excuse to eat garbage for lunch. Not with a Slim Fast in the car. Discipline.

Once I have regained control, I will switch to 3 healthy meals a day.

Removing Weight-Loss Obstacles

So it looks like the last blog I posted was on 1/28, and that's a pretty long time not to check in with how things are going....that would be because they aren't going so well. Everything was great; I was exercising every day and using the My Fitness Pal web site each day. When I exercised, it was in the morning, right after I put my son on the bus. I got into a great routine where I did this each and every morning, and I was excited about it, too.

Then one morning, I was particularly tired, and I decided I would wait until I got home from work in the afternoon to do it, which was fine. I waited until I got home, and then I did it. I did the same thing the next day; waited till I got home. Then the next morning, I said I was going to do the same thing, and the afternoon came and I didn't do it. Same thing the next day, then the next day, until I didn't even think about it in the morning. The elliptical machine takes up half my living room, and I just didn't think about it!!

One major problem I am having is my stress level, which has been through the roof lately. It wears me down. I have never been so tired in all my life; that is, until I started working as a paralegal. I think about my job all the time; in fact, it has kept me awake many nights. School is reeeeaally playing into this tremendous pressure on me as well. However, I am very well aware that working out actually helps with all this! It's just that I always have the feeling that I don't have enough time. Once I graduate in May, I will feel so much more free to focus on one thing at a time, but until then, I absolutely must find a way to make this work.

I have come to realize that I do not like the feeling of using the machine on the second level of this house with people living underneath me. Interestingly, though, they have never complained or even mentioned hearing any noise from it, but while using it, I am constantly thinking "omg what if they hear me!?" Grrr, they can't hear me!!

Also, I need to determine what time of day I plan to use this so I don't fall into this again. If I do it first thing in the morning, I am often exhausted by around 6:00, which is not good on the day I have classes. If I choose to wait until the afternoon, that needs to be my regular plan, but that's when the guy downstairs comes home, and what if he hears me!!?

Has anyone else completely dropped the ball to this extent and found a way back on their feet without becoming utterly discouraged?? :(

Adjusting to the New Lifestyle

I am actually feeling a lot better! I have more energy during the day and I can think more clearly. I am more confident, which is great! I am still having difficulty falling asleep (my mind loves to race at night), but in the morning I can wake up when the alarm clock goes off without hitting the snooze button three times.

I love this machine, but the only thing that bugs me is that my middle toe on either foot starts to go numb toward the end of my workout. Not a big deal, since by this time I am usually just about done anyway, and it can usually be resolved if I stop for a moment and take the pressure off my foot. I read in a fitness magazine a while back that this is normal with elliptical machines, or any machine that requires repetitive motion for that matter. My biggest concern, as always, is that I am bothering the people downstairs, but this thing is so quiet. Usually they will let me know if they can hear me, especially early in the morning (lol) but they have not done so yet.

My eating habits are getting much better. I am aware of my calorie intake, but more importantly, I am doing a great job avoiding those empty calories. The only problem is still portion control, which is getting better, but still needs work. I have set a daily caloric goal of 1200, and I still sometimes find myself going a little bit over. Not too bad, but I would like to get it down.

On that note, I made this fantastic meal for dinner, and I was blown away to see my husband actually eating tofu!! When I first gave him one, he had this look on his face like he was anticipating that it would be disgusting, then a couple of minutes later, he was like wow, that is awesome! :) Quite an achievement considering he never ate green veggies or seafood in his life until he met me. Anyway, here is the link for the recipe:

Tofu Tacos

 

 

Now I need to cut this short because I have schoolwork and work-work piled up, so I will be back soon! :)