Finding my East

Well, the last couple of days have been a little tough, but I made it through pretty well. For starters, I took a four-day-weekend away from exercising (I still stayed under / close to my calorie goal, but I really need to try to walk or do anything whenever I can).

A few nights ago, I had this horrible neck pain, so I took a muscle relaxer a little later in the evening than I should have because it was keeping me awake. I have a whole bottle of muscle relaxers, but I rarely ever use them unless I'm in so much pain that it is disruptive, so I sometimes forget how drowsy it makes me feel the next day. I took one at about 11:00 pm (10 mg of Flexeril), and I could not get myself out of bed the next morning (this was Monday). I had to wake up my husband to put my son on the bus because I felt so woozy. So needless to say, the rest of the day dragged on forever.

I didn't get much accomplished at work because I couldn't think clearly. I kept pushing through, but by mid-afternoon, I was so tired, and I was starting to have these intense cravings for sweets. I know it was because I felt so sleepy because I hadn't felt like that in quite some time. I just wanted to eat, and I couldn't re-center myself (for lack of a better term). I do remember that I went over my calorie limit that day, but I calculated my BMR, and at my height and weight, I can afford just slightly under 2,300 calories per day without gaining (or losing) weight. (BTW, I found this great BMR calculator, which will be really helpful when I get my weight down enough that I just need to maintain it: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/ ).This is good to know for those days when I feel like I want to splurge a little! But this was not supposed to be one of those days. I also skipped my exercise that day because I simply didn't have the energy.

So I picked up my regular workout / eating routine again on Tuesday and made it through with no problem, but then yesterday (which started out fine), I had kind of a tough day at work. It wasn't any big deal, but I get this really bad social anxiety when I am talking to people I don't know, and I had met a new client that afternoon while I was also in the middle of working on something else, and I had that other thing on my mind. I shook her hand and started talking to her, but then my mind drew a blank. My words started coming out jumbled up, and I think I said something that sounded stupid (ahh my social charm, lmao) and it just messed me up for the rest of the day. I hate coming across as an idiot, and I was so embarrassed by it, that I felt really anxious all day. It wasn't even like it was a big deal, like I said, but there's something about me being in social situations that usually leaves me feeling awful for a long time. (This weekend, I'm throwing my son's birthday party, and there will be several people I don't know there, so that's not helping matters either). Well, anyway, I started working on some stuff to go on my son's birthday cake (I'm making a Cocoa Krispies Treat Minecraft house) and I ended up eating more than my share of Cocoa Krispies Treats. I kept saying, in my head, "ok, that's good. You don't need anymore. That's enough." I couldn't stop! Still, my calorie count for the day wasn't too bad, but I did go over my goal (I did exercise, too; I really needed it to burn away some of that anxiety, and that helped).

Anyway, my point is that some days, it's still very tough to control my tendency to eat unhealthily, or overeat. I may try to make it seem like it's easy all the time, now that I'm in "my mode", but there are days when it's going to be a lot to handle. I need to allow myself days like that without feeling bad about it. I was able to get back on track, but in the past, if I'd had a couple of bad days, I'd have let it ruin all the progress I've made so far. I note this morning is my 57th day logging into My Fitness Pal, and I don't think I've ever done that for this long, which definitely reminds me that I'm in it for the long haul this time. I just need to keep this in mind, and keep "finding my east", and pushing forward. :)